Eight Things We Learned From Our Meg Ryan Interview (Published 2019) (2024)

When you think of romantic comedies, you probably think about Meg Ryan, who starred in some of the genre’s most beloved iterations — “When Harry Met Sally . . . ” “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail” — in the past few decades. After a considerable run as one of America’s sweethearts, Ryan turned to darker, more complex roles, eventually starring in the 2003 erotic thriller “In the Cut,” a critical and box-office flop. Soon after — it seemed — she practically disappeared, retreating from film and stepping into a less public, far happier life. For the debut of our new, extended Talk column, David Marchese spoke with Ryan about the future of romantic comedies, the burden of celebrity and where she has been all this time.

She left acting purposely . . .

“I felt like an unformed person,” she said. After decades of working in film, Ryan was burned out, and moved to New York as soon as her son, Jack, graduated from high school. She said she didn’t feel as if she knew enough about herself in order to continue as an actor — which she never set out to do in the first place: originally, she was a journalism major at N.Y.U. “You’re at a disadvantage as a young, famous person because you don’t know who’s telling you the truth,” she told Marchese. “I’m not complaining — there are so many advantages to being famous — but there are fundamental disadvantages for a part of your brain, your self, your soul. My experiences were too limited.”

. . . in part because she felt so removed from her actual, authentic life.

Ryan got so attached to her roles that she felt as if she was “burning through life experiences,” by suddenly becoming a helicopter pilot (in “Courage Under Fire”), a journalist (in “When Harry Met Sally ... ” and “Sleepless in Seattle”) or an alcoholic (in “When a Man Loves a Woman”). “I felt like I was behind a window looking at my life,” she said. “That had a lot to do with working so much. The only people you meet are on the set, and you’re waiting in your trailer, and you’re memorizing lines — I remember thinking, I want to have my own thoughts.”

The Katz’s Delicatessen org*sm scene in 1989’s “When Harry Met Sally . . . ” was indeed her idea.

Ryan thought that the woman she portrayed, Sally Albright, was a deeply behavioral character, and that it was in her nature to fake an org*sm. Outside of filming that scene, she has never been back.

Nora Ephron taught her how to give a dinner party.

Ryan served as sort of a muse for the writer and director. They worked on four films together: “When Harry Met Sally . . . ,” “Sleepless in Seattle,” “You’ve Got Mail” and “Hanging Up.” Ryan said that Ephron wasn’t like anyone else she knew. “On the sets with her, it wasn’t just about being directed.” They’d talk about dinner parties: what to cook, and whether to do a seating chart. “You were invited into her life,” Ryan said, “and it was so charming.” Like many in Ephron’s life, Ryan didn’t know that Ephron, who died of complications from leukemia in 2012, was ill, but had a hunch. “I think about having lunch with her at Balthazar, maybe two years before she died. I didn’t know she was sick, but she didn’t look well. I didn’t ask. I don’t know if she would have told me. I don’t think she would have. I regret not asking, ‘Are you O.K.?’ Maybe she would have confided in me.”